Scott Pollak Talent and/or Voice Producer - Voice Seeker
Joined: 05 Mar 2004 Posts: 3828
Posted: Sat Jul 05, 2008, 15:42 (GMT) Post subject: 19 years!!!
I hope this isn't too much of a bore for you guys, but I just felt compelled to share that today my wife and I are celebrating our 19th anniversary. In an era of quickie divorces and multiple remarriages we're kinda proud we made it this far.
And this is OUR second marriage, too! I was married for 6 and 1/2 years prior (am still friends with my ex) and my wife was married at a very young age for about 3 years.
Interestingly, when we met, in the fall of 1988, neither of us was looking for a relationship. We were both coming off of somewhat lengthy relationships, but it just 'happened' and about 8 months later we were in the Brooklyn County Courthouse tying the knot with one witness; my sister.
We'd wanted to get married on the 4th of July. I thought it'd be really easy to always remember the date, plus, what a great day to LOSE your independence... on Independence Day! But alas, the courthouse was closed.
To those still seeking that lifelong relationship I'll throw out some common-sense stuff I've learned:
- Marry someone who is your best friend (I did). After a while all the glitter and tingly stuff fades into a comfortable co-existing relationship and you need to really like and enjoy the person you're spending most of your life with. When I have free time there's no one I'd rather be doing something with than my wife. We walk together, watch movies together, share interests in the theatre together, etc.
- Opposites may attract, but they also repel, and over time substantial differences such as in morals, activities, lifestyle, etc, will usually drive couples apart. We're blessed to be very similar in all the key areas of life.
- You WILL have rough spots and a LOT of them. There are times when we both wanted to hang it up and walk away. Thank goodness we took time to cool down and work it out. Occasionally we got a touch of counseling here and there, and it helped. Do whatever it takes to make it work (unless, of course, there is physical or mental abuse, or cheating, going on). Because no matter WHO you end up with, no matter WHAT relationship you get into, there are going to be issues you will HAVE to work thru.
At age 53 I'm not that far from enjoying 'retirement' although I'll surely keep voicing for many, many years. My sweet lady and I often talk about our 'golden years' and where we'll live and what we'll be doing together. I can't wait and very much look forward to them.
I'd love to hear from others who have lengthy love stories to share. Chime on in! _________________ Scott R. Pollak Warm. Real. Natural. www.voicebyscott.com
SaVoa 07003
Posted: Sat Jul 05, 2008, 16:16 (GMT) Post subject: Re: 19 years!!!
Scott Pollak wrote:
I'd love to hear from others who have lengthy love stories to share. Chime on in!
Does "Once Upon A Time" begin the first time you see the girl of 12 who will become the woman who will later become your wife?
Does it begin a year later when you see that same girl walking the halls of the junior high school in Houghton Lake, Michigan that you both attend?
Or does it begin with a gentle nudge and push by a young woman in a high school French class two years later?
My first recollection of Barb takes place the summer before she began junior high school. I was going to be in 8th grade. An Upper Classman…WHOOO HOOOOO!!!
As was normal for summer, I was out riding my bike; one of those souped up, tricked out bikes with the banana seat, sissy bar and high rise handle bars. For the record, it did not have streamers on the handlebars or cards in the spokes. It looked like it should have been a Harley. In my mind, it was. When I first spotted Barb, she was in the front yard of the motel her parents had just bought on M-55. Why she caught my eye, why I felt the need to stop, I can never explain. I just had to. So I did. Wanting to make an impression, I decided that the best thing to do would be to perform my patented slide to a stop which would cause dirt and grass and stones to go spraying everywhere. It looked cool. At least in my head it did. Apparently it didn’t look so cool to Barb, because she appeared wholly unimpressed. And she let me know in that scoff that only a preteen girl can scoff. I made a comment. She told me to leave. “Why should I?” I asked. She said she was going to go get her dad, I told her to “go ahead, see if I care!” She went to get her dad. Suddenly I cared and did the smart thing and pedaled away as fast as I could.
Not a good first impression.
The next “Once Upon A Time Moment” meeting came when school resumed that fall. I was in eighth grade. Barb was one of the new kids, a lowly 7th grader. But not so lowly that I didn’t notice her presence in the hallway between classes. And I noticed her a lot. She had her own circle of friends; she won a Junior High dance contest with my best friend as her dance partner; she hung around with a young kid named Ed. I’ll admit to being a bit envious. But Barb and I seemed too different at the time. She was studious and serious and focused on school. I was the obnoxious, loudmouthed class clown who proudly wore his 1970’s era fashion victim status with pride. So, I kept my distance knowing that the dark-haired beauty and I would never mesh. Possibly the only conversation I had with Barb was after she wobbled and hobbled her way through school with her leg in a cast after breaking it while skiing. At last, something in common. A year before, I had zagged when I should have zigged while skiing at Bear Mountain and wound up on crutches with a knee injury that would later be responsible for my honorable discharge from the Navy 18 and a half years earlier than I had intended. I asked if she was alright, and how it felt. She said the hardest part was getting used to walking on the crutches. Otherwise, she was fine. The school year ended. I moved over to the high school while Barb finished junior high.
Tenth grade now. French class, first period after lunch. Sitting beside me to my right, and one back, is Barb. She’s a freshman. The magic fairy dust has now been sprinkled and I’m truly interested in Barb as a person. Why? Who can explain? Sometimes the most important things are the most difficult things to talk about because words diminish the emotion behind them. And that’s what happened here. That unknown, ineffable feeling that something wonderful was happening and it was overwhelming. I had somehow managed to hijack the beginning of French Class each day. Our teacher, Mrs. Wenig, would normally arrive about five minutes after class was scheduled to begin. So, to alleviate boredom, I decided that it would be a good idea for me to go to the front of the class and do comedy routines. Most of my material came from the various George Carlin routines I had memorized, or the previous night’s Johnny Carson monologue, or whatever comedian I had seen on the Mike Douglas or Merv Griffin shows. It was my version of Tom Sawyer trying to impress Becky Thatcher by walking atop the white picket fence in front of Becky’s house or George Bailey throwing pebbles at Mary Hatch’s window in the film “It’s a Wonderful Life.” This was my way of getting Barb’s attention. Why I didn’t just go up and say, “Hi,” and see how that worked, I’ll never know. It just wasn’t my style. Barb would laugh as I recited George Carlin's HAIR poem for the umpteenth time, or when I would do my Heartbeat sound. She’d also cringe when I’d put my fingers against the chalk board. The anticipation of THAT SOUND had an amazing effect on the class. We’d talk in the halls, or nod and smile pleasantly, but nothing serious at this point. I still thought we had too many differences in our personality to overcome. I listened to The Rolling Stones, Alice Cooper and Led Zeppelin. She preferred more acoustic flavored music like Harry Chapin, John Denver and Bread. She was studious and well like by the teachers. I wasn’t. I had “habits” she didn’t partake in. That’s a lot to overcome at any age. Then, one day, an angel appeared and helped us along by giving me a gentle nudge. Her name was Colleen VanSickle. She was also a freshman and sat directly in front of Barb in that French class. One morning, Colleen stopped me in the halls and we had a conversation that changed lives. I don’t think I had really spoken with Colleen outside of French class before, but this was the most important conversation we ever had.
“Do you know Barb Hendershott?” she asked.
I of course answered that I did.
“Well,” she asked in that great sing-song voice that high school girls speak in, “do you like her?”
Not knowing where this was headed, I waited a moment before answering this question. Finally I said, “Yes. And I don’t know why.” And I didn’t. I couldn’t figure out the attraction I had for her. There was just some connection between us that wouldn’t, and hasn’t, gone away. “Oh, okay,” was her reply. “I knew she liked you, but I wasn’t sure if you like her or not.” With that Colleen left and disappeared into the throng of kids trying to get from one class to the next. Thanks to Colleen, the door had opened. And this truly is the moment when the story moment “Once Upon A Time...” really begins.
Next day in French class was different. I couldn’t keep from looking over at Barb as she worked on whatever translation Mrs. Wenig had us working on. Like an owl, my head kept turning so I could take a peek at her. In the best nervous high school boy fashion, whenever she looked up, my head would snap back to the work I was ignoring on the desk in front of me. When the end of class bell rang, I lingered, pretending to sort my papers until I could walk out beside Barb. It was just a happy accidental coincidence of course. Once in the hall, instead of turning left to go to Mr. Welte’s English Class, I turned right at the same time with Barb and struck up our first real conversation. The next day I did the same thing. Turned right, walked Barb to her next class while we chatted about things in general. It was, to quote the movie, the start of something big.
Our first real date was a trip to the Meredith Drive-In.
STOP THINKING THAT WAY!
My best friend in high school, Kevin Randall, and I would often go to the drive-in to watch the cheeseball movies that could only be found at a drive-in theater. He’d drive, and I’d pay for the gas. Once when he called and asked if I wanted to Meredith, I asked if it would be okay if I invited Barb along with us. Since the three of us were among the same circle of friends, there was no problem. Kevin drove, Barb sat in the middle.
Our first date where I drove was to see a movie in Roscommon, Michigan. It was a Tuesday evening and I had finally gotten a car to go along with my driver’s license. I asked my mom if I could drive Barb to a movie that night. Her response was, “It’s a school night. Her mother won’t let her go.” I called and asked Barb, and to my surprise, Barb’s mother said she could go. So, on a school night, we drove to Roscommon and watched the film Brother Sun, Sister Moon at the Strand Theater. I even had money for popcorn and something to drink. We saw a lot of movies over the years. Some at the Pines Theater, some in Roscommon, and one or two in West Branch, which is where we saw the film Jesus Christ Superstar. We’d go to the Methodist Youth Fellowship retreats and gatherings together. Some night our “dates” consisted of my coming over to her house and hanging out. Her parents were tolerant of my presence and never displayed any concern or feelings that perhaps I shouldn’t be hanging around with their daughter. For Christmas of her sophomore year, I gave her a pearl ring to wear. We had indeed become “a couple.” When you saw one, you usually saw the other.
In spite of our differences, we were a good match. We brought ourselves openly to our burgeoning relationship. We respected the differences between us and never made rude comments about each others other friends. We were tolerant in the way only friends can be tolerant of friends. I smoked -- but never when she was around. I partied (some). I hung out in the back of the school at the smoking area with what could best be described as some of the “less desirable” elements in school. I had friends who were major party animals. Some who later developed problems as a result. But, because of my friendship with Barb, I remained grounded and didn’t take that fork in the road. While I may have stuck my toe in the water a bit, I never dove in over my head. The thought of disappointing her and losing her friendship was always at the forefront of my mind. We brought out our inner selves, the people who were there but needed a bit of coaxing to emerge. Some of my high school friends would ask why I hung out with Barb. “She’s so quiet and never says anything,” was a typical observation. They didn’t know Barb the way I did. They didn’t know or see her sense of humor when we were together. They didn’t know how well our hands fit together when we walked the halls. They didn’t know, or understand, the way I felt complete when I was with her. We supported each other’s dreams and ambitions. I was interested in broadcasting and music and being a dork. She was the studious one with an eye on a career in art. We are among the lucky. Because 30 years later, we’re still doing what we wanted to do when we were kids. She’s the artist. I’m the dork, er, still involved in broadcasting.
This is why January of 1977, our break up, was so difficult. Our relationship had survived separation when I moved to Indianapolis and went from there into the Navy. Yet in order to get to where we are today, it’s what had to happen. Looking back, we were no more ready to be married than we were to split the atom using cold fusion. She had her eyes set on art school and exploring new parts of the country. It took guts and courage to take that step. And she did it. I was able to get through school and begin my dream of working in television and radio. Even with a few compromises on the way to our dreams, we grew up and do what we wanted to do when we were “kids.” How lucky are we?
And now, we’re among the lucky ones because our lives have come full circle.
In November of 2006, upon my return from Michigan where I celebrated my 50th birthday by riding one my bikes around the Houghton Lake, the place that means so much to me, I found an e-mail from Barb wishing me a happy birthday. She also wanted to know what it was like to be 50. We hadn’t exchanged e-mails since just before Houston, TX evacuated for Hurricane Rita. I wrote back and thanked her for the birthday wishes and gave her some of the highlights about my ride around the lake. That was the new beginning -- the second act of the story beginning, ”Once upon a time…” Surprisingly, we both found we still had that connection with each other. Many e-mails were written. Many phone calls dialed. Many conversations playing catch up. The question came around, “What would have happened if we had married all those years ago?” I have a dreadfully honest feeling that it would have been fine for a year or so until one morning I would have awaken with a blinding headache, only to discover an 8-inch spike had been driven through my skull. Just as a way to get my attention. It’s overly graphic and dramatic, true, but we, especially me, had much to learn before the partnership of marriage could be formed and I’m not sure I had the skills to cope with the responsibility at that time. Change that. I didn’t have the skills…
A trip was arranged to meet up for New Years weekend. Taking a leap of faith, Barb traveled to Dallas, TX where I was spending the holidays. At the airport, as I waited for her delayed flight to arrive, I kept asking myself, “What am I doing? What if she gets off the plane, takes one look at decides, nah, I don’t think so? What if I thought the same thing?” That would make for one long weekend.
But that didn’t happen. Upon first laying eyes on each other, before the first hug, we knew this was going to be alright. That the time had come for us finish what we had started all those years before. Our hands still fit when we walk together. She still has a smile in her voice when she laughs. Our differences, which seemed so immense back in the day, were not so immense after all. Looking back, we had, and have, more things in common than we were aware of.
So the story that begins, “Once upon a time, in a small town in the northern Michigan woods, a young boy fell in love with a young girl who fell in love with a young boy,...” continues.
We are together.
Again.
We are in love.
Still.
We now look forward to the rest of the fairy tale story.
We’ll keep you posted! *********************
My wife and I have now been married just over a year. Out wedding was June 2, 2007. All is well.... _________________ Scott F. www.audioworkspro.com The Voice That Says It All...
Last edited by Scott Feighner on Sun Jul 06, 2008, 23:43 (GMT); edited 2 times in total
Scott Pollak Talent and/or Voice Producer - Voice Seeker
Joined: 05 Mar 2004 Posts: 3828
Posted: Sat Jul 05, 2008, 17:06 (GMT) Post subject:
Scott F: What a neat, neat story!!! Interesting, isn't it, how many folks really do meet their love of their lives when they're, say, 8 or 10 years old, and for others of us we have to be in our 30's or 40's or later on.
I wish you and Barb the same love and happiness that KC and I have had. May you and your lives together be deeply blessed.
Thanks so much for taking the time to share that. _________________ Scott R. Pollak Warm. Real. Natural. www.voicebyscott.com
SaVoa 07003
Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008, 01:57 (GMT) Post subject:
congratulations to you Mr & Mrs Pollak on 19 years of commitment to each other..
my love story could never be made into a best picture of the year like Mr & Mrs Feighner.. we were deeply moved by your story Scott, thank you so much for sharing it...
during my first week as a stations new DJ i was visited during a saturday morning shift by a listener who brought me a cake w/ "Welcome to WOTW" written on it.. i was delighted as you could imagine.. she came to the station every saturday to answer request lines for a popular DJ, while i ran the tapes for greek and polka shows on the AM side.. during the rush of the morning we'd see each other, and it was about 3 months later that i asked her out.. a year+ later we got married... that was over 28 years ago...
during that time i kept my promise never to take her far from her family, which included taking a pass on the chicken wire circuit of small, home town radio.. oh well, life is what happens when you've made other plans...
we're working folk, her in a factory, me as a professional house painter and part time voiceover talent....
our 28 years has had its share of ups and downs, needless dramas created mostly by me, and of course the joys and tears of raising a son who is now 23...
we're also what some call an inter-faith marriage.. she's a christian w/ a traditional catholic background.. i was raised catholic and converted to buddhism over 15 years ago.. she supports me in my faith as i support her in her faith.. once a month we share our spiritual and faith bond by attending each others religious services.. i'm considered a friend of her parish, and she is a very active friend of my unitarian universalist congregation, along w/ the atheists, agnostics, pagans, humanists and other buddhists who attend there... our spiritual bond is probably the most important part of our life together...
well, here i go again taking up a ton of bandwidth.. our 'secret' to being together for 28 years came to light when i saw this plaque in a customer's home, which i shared w/ my sweetie: "Life isn't about waiting for the storms to pass. Its about learning how to dance in the rain"
yup, thats me and my sweetie.. we dance a lot .. were we mean't to do this dance of life together? idunno.. but i'm sure glad we are!! she is the yin to my yang, the strengths to my weaknesses and visa versa.. _________________ "the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best."
Scott Pollak Talent and/or Voice Producer - Voice Seeker
Joined: 05 Mar 2004 Posts: 3828
Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008, 02:13 (GMT) Post subject:
John,
Great story and not at all surprising. Having read so many of your posts here over the last year or two I feel like I've gotten some insight into your warm and genuinely caring heart. Your wife is a lucky woman and blessed to have you, and I suspect the same is true for you, as well.
I admire your mutual respect of each other's faith. I'm a strong Christian (I refer to myself as a 'damaged Catholic' now non-denominational) and believe that there has to be some mutual respect for the beliefs of others as we work towards a common end.
My own mom, a 90 year-young Catholic, remarried when she was in her late 70's to a Jewish guy and they coexisted just fine. One day I'll have to share their amazing story, but it's too long to type right now.
Blessings to you and yours, John. You're an inspiration. _________________ Scott R. Pollak Warm. Real. Natural. www.voicebyscott.com
SaVoa 07003
Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008, 02:21 (GMT) Post subject:
Congratulations Scott. You know, last year you posted some sage marriage advice, which I printed out and have hanging on the wall of my studio. I definitely hope my marriage is as wonderful as yours! _________________ Caryn Clark... THE Hip Chick Voice!
www.CarynClark.net
Scott Pollak Talent and/or Voice Producer - Voice Seeker
Joined: 05 Mar 2004 Posts: 3828
Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008, 03:01 (GMT) Post subject:
Caryn Clark wrote:
Congratulations Scott. You know, last year you posted some sage marriage advice, which I printed out and have hanging on the wall of my studio. I definitely hope my marriage is as wonderful as yours!
I did??? Geeze, I'm getting old. Repeating myself.
Maybe I ought to make this an annual event?
Geeze, I'm getting old. Repeating myself....
_________________ Scott R. Pollak Warm. Real. Natural. www.voicebyscott.com
SaVoa 07003
Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008, 03:53 (GMT) Post subject:
That's great news Scott, congratulations...My wife and I are together now 21 years as of June 6, and on the same day as my folks for 49!! It can work if both parties work at it.
Hope it continues on for you. _________________ Chris Mezzolesta www.voiceguy1.com SaVoa #07010
Colin Campbell Talent and/or Voice Producer - Voice Seeker Moderator
Joined: 27 Feb 2006 Posts: 5287
Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008, 05:06 (GMT) Post subject:
Scott Pollak wrote:
I admire your mutual respect of each other's faith. I'm a strong Christian (I refer to myself as a 'damaged Catholic' now non-denominational) and believe that there has to be some mutual respect for the beliefs of others as we work towards a common end.
"The Bible is a book. It is a good book, but it is NOT the ONLY book..."
Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008, 08:30 (GMT) Post subject:
I have not read the entire thread but I noticed.... Scott, that you said you met in 1988. I'm curious as to how you met. I crave to have what you have but, I'm not sure where to look for it.
Scott Pollak Talent and/or Voice Producer - Voice Seeker
Joined: 05 Mar 2004 Posts: 3828
Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008, 15:25 (GMT) Post subject:
Deby, we met purely by accident and I'm utterly convinced it was destined to be.
As I think I mentioned in the opening thread, neither of us was looking to date at the time. I actually was coming off of a relationship where I'd been ENGAGED to marry this girl (this was about 2 years after my divorce). We'd broken off the engagement, but remained friends. My wife, KC, was at the end of a year-long relationship with a musician.
Here is the amazing chain of events that all had to fall into place for us to get together:
1)The week we met, I was supposed to be out of town. I'd taken vacation that week and had planned to take my motorcycle on a week-long ride from Birmingham, AL (where I lived at the time) into the Ozark mtns of Arkansas for a long camping expedition. For absolutely no reason that I can explain, at the last minute I decided to blow off the trip.
2)We met at a lunchtime meeting of an association of video producers (which is what I did at the time). Now get this: ordinarily this group met once at month, IN THE EVENING, at the office where I worked for BellSouth. But this one and only time we decided to host a LUNCHTIME meeting over at Alabama Power. Again, I was on vacation that week and had NO intention of coming into downtown to attend this meeting. For whatever reason I went to the meeting. At the meeting I saw KC.
.... but wait... .there's more....
3)Obviously I liked what I saw. Turns out we had a mutual friend at the meeting and I used my wiles to get introduced to KC and tell her that occasionally we used graphic artists on a freelance basis where I worked (somewhat true). I got her phone numbers (work and home) from my friend.
4)A few days later I called her up at work to see if she wanted to go out. I was simply told "KC's not here right now."
Waited a few more days. Called again. Same story.
Tried a third time. Same thing. "KC's not here right now."
I was about to throw away the phone numbers and thought I'd try her at home, which I was initially reluctant to do. But it turns out that I caught her at home and I learned that she worked freelance AT NIGHTS at Alabama Power! Not only had no one ever bothered to tell me that, but the ONE DAY I SAW HER THERE at that lunch meeting was a fluke. It was the one, single day she went in to work there during the day.
We went out to a Christmas party and she had backup plans in case the date sucked. She was going to go see her almost-ex boyfriend's band playing if she didn't enjoy our date. Needless to say, she never saw her boyfriend again and we got married 8 months later.
I'm totally, completely and utterly convinced this was God's hand at work in my life.
Deby, I also believe we find our best match when we're really not looking for it. I have some logic behind this:
- If we're really desperate for a relationship, we begin to compromise "Well, okay, they're not exactly what I'm looking for, but they're kinda cute. And I don't like it that they smoke, but maybe I can get them to quit..." etc.
But if we're content with where we are and we meet someone, and then become friends with them, and then find out we really like what's INSIDE of them, and that we share all the IMPORTANT facets of life, then I believe it can evolve into a true, life-long relationship.
Just my thoughts... _________________ Scott R. Pollak Warm. Real. Natural. www.voicebyscott.com
SaVoa 07003
Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008, 17:55 (GMT) Post subject:
In my sophomore year of high school, I was enfatuated with this cute young thing that sat in front of me in one class. When she asked me to join a co-ed group at the YWCA. I figured, sure. I'll follow her anywhere. It was a mixture of all high school aged kids, about 15 of us. Mostly we just partied together, but we had a great (supervised) time. It wasn't long before I realized that this young lady was not so enfatuated with me, but still I enjoyed being part of the group.
I usually arrived early for our weekly meetings. There was a spinet piano in the lobby and I would sit and play a few numbers before the rest of them showed up. I noticed that my playing attracted a few of the girls and I thought to myself, say this really does work. (I'd been pretty shy as an adolescent)
It wound up being 'my turn' as president and my VP was one of the girls that hung around the piano with me. I recall at one meeting, the group was a bit unruly although we were trying to have a serious discussion about something rather important. It was then that my VP, who was sitting by my side, spoke up, got angry with the group for not cooperating and ran out of the room, rather upset. Obviously, something else was troubling her. I went to find out and we started talking a bit.
That's the earliest and clearest memory I have of the young lady that is now my bride of 32 years. It was only a few years after we met that we married. We have two beautiful daughters that are 30 and 27, the older living out of state and the younger just down the street.
We began with a deep commitment to each other and we still have that. We don't have perfection and we don't always have 'wedded bliss'. Still we both know that we are much happier and much more blessed than many couples. I guess the secret is to forgive the other's imperfections while realizing that you yourself are loaded with them. Too many people give up on marriage too early because they are expecting perfection in their partner.
Funny story. Early last week I was angry with her about something. I know she had been wanting to spruce up this scruffy little patch in the yard so I took out my frustrations on those ugly hedges by digging them up. We both went to work on the rest of it and buy the end of the following day, we had this lovely little flower garden. I'm watering it twice a day now. All is forgotten.
Were were visiting an old friend of ours just last week. He and I were bandmates back in the '70s and he was showing me a new keyboard that he got for his son. I can never resist an opportunity to play so I broke into one of my old favorites. My wife fondly remembered it was one of those tunes I used to play at the Y. Neat memories. I'm glad we're still together to share them.
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07003
.. were we mean't to do this dance of life together? idunno.. but i'm sure glad we are!! she is the yin to my yang, the strengths to my weaknesses and visa versa..
