Please critique

Frank Cabanski · Posted: Sat Feb 23, 2008, 18:21 (GMT) Post subject: Please critique

If anyone has the time, please listen and provide some feedback.

Melba Sibrel · Posted: Sat Feb 23, 2008, 19:39 (GMT) Post subject:

Well, there will no destroying, I hope, but I have to say I'm severely underwhelmed. Which doesn't matter since I'm not doing the hiring. Laughing

But there's an odd mixture in your read of boring and overdramatic. What I mean is, you punch and color words like "struggle" and "pounding" to sound like what they mean. A little is okay, but I think you overdo. Sounds stage-y. It's fine for Shakespeare, but it draws attention to itself here and contrasts oddly against all the other less visual words you're saying in a rather mundane manner. I know what struggle means. Unless you're actually struggling under the weight of something in the "scene" there's no need to make struggle sound so much like what it is.

Yes, make the boring reads come alive. But do it sensibly and evenly. Sound real...which, by the way, the part after let-me-tell-you-a-story sounded a little more real.

Just my $.02.

Lance Blair · Posted: Sat Feb 23, 2008, 20:04 (GMT) Post subject:

The energy level is either too keen or really diving down to the low end, unfortunately. I can really hear the acoustics of the room too...I just imagine you in an empty apartment, which doesn't help the immediacy of the piece.

BTW, I don't like all the masochistic "Please, tear me apart!" titles to these postings. We're all adults, just step up to the plate and swing. I haven't seen a cruel response to even truly bad demos on this site, thankfully. Melba, Scott, Colin, Connie, Robert (yes, I know I'm leaving out a few Smile) and all the people who have opinions that matter and take the time to give their input on a regular basis are really nice about it.

Frank Cabanski · Posted: Sat Feb 23, 2008, 21:26 (GMT) Post subject:

Thanks for the feedback folks. I hear that "odd mixture" and mix of too much and too little energy.

What I don't hear is the room acoustics and wonder on some tips to make that better.

Here's a sample attached with some effort made to remove it. Feedback?