Narration Demo - Last One.. promise

Scott Smith

Please share your comments.

thanks

Scott Smith · Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008, 23:31 (GMT) Post subject: Geez how bad does this suck?

does this suck so bad.. nobody wants to comment?? Confused

John Weeks · Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008, 01:01 (GMT) Post subject:

Hi Scott,
I'm no expert but I think it's too long. There's also some phasing issues going on. I'm not sure if that's the correct term or not. It also sounds a little too compressed. The compressor is pulling up your breaths a good bit. As far as the delivery goes, I think it sounds good. The only thing I could suggest is a little more variety in the delivery. This is something I struggle with. Once again, I'm no expert but that's my .02 cents worth.
Scott P should be done with dinner soon and will be along shortly.
Good Luck,
John

Scott Smith · Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008, 02:06 (GMT) Post subject: Thanks

Thanks John.. that's some stuff I can work on

Robert Jadah · Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008, 03:14 (GMT) Post subject:

I've said it before and I'll say it again.
I said, I've said it before and I'll say it again.

You've got some good stuff going, Captain Canada; your demos just seem one ice-block short of a full igloo.
The Churchill piece was decent and the Flanders Fields was rock-solid: poignant, elegant, and respectful.
The last two pieces were also fine, although you popped a couple of P's on 'People'.

It is way too long, however. I'd simply drop the first clip, which suffers anyway from over-processing. There are Darth Vader inhalations throughout, and the tone simply does not sound genuine. Then maybe toss one of the shorter end clips into the lead-off spot for a small change of pace.

But, all in all, something tells me you're going to do just fine.

Tundra On!

Scott Pollak · Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008, 03:19 (GMT) Post subject:

Well, what the heck, why not?

It's late, the family's in bed, you have a GREAT first name, so I'll give 'er a go and even listen thru the 7506 cans so as not to wake the family.

Obviously it's not bad, Scott. Not at all. No question you have a very pleasant voice and the capability of delivering.

But try as I might, I couldn't get excited about this.

For starters, it's too long and just d.......r.........a........g...........s..........s...........s from spot to spot. The ONLY reason I kept listening was because I wanted to offer a balanced critique. If I were a voice seeker looking for the right voice I'd probably tune out after about 10 seconds of the opening "Jesus" spot because it was so droll and so long.

Next: If you have access to the dry reads, get rid of those breaths! They're really pronounced and draw a LOT of attention to themselves. At least bring them way down, if you don't eliminate them completely. I found myself being jarred by the very dominate breaths between sentences.

Second listen now:
- I'm just not real wild about the odd inflections and strange accent of the opening piece. It just sounds too forced.
- The Winston Churchill piece is great. Reduce the breaths and you have a winner.
- The flanders field sounds so much like a funeral dirge that it's hard to take. Yes, you really need some examples of a lower energy style, but I'm not sure this is it. It's not that you delivered it badly, it's just that it...... uh.......... sounds like a funeral dirge.
Laughing

- The Canada piece is on a par with the Churchill piece, and NOT just because it's more uptempo. It sounds more like Scott talking and NOT like Scott trying to create an affected mood or sound, like in the funeral dirge.
- Ditto on the travel piece. Get rid of the breaths and you have another winner.

You have some good stuff here and you're good, period.
No question about it.
I'd ask someone unbiased who can be totally objective to rebuild your demo for you.

Scott Pollak · Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008, 03:21 (GMT) Post subject:

LOL!

I hadn't read any of the other critiques when I started writing mine and just now read John Weeks' comment about me and my dinner! The man must know me better than I know myself!

Laughing

AND...
I see you're getting a LOT of the same comments about length and the breathy aspects.

So you know whatcha gotta do, right?

Scott Smith · Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008, 03:42 (GMT) Post subject: Thanks y'all!

More great feedback, thanks heaps. I was most concerned about this demo and the imaging one.. as they aren't areas I have voice experience in... but a guy's gotta expand those revenue streams.
Wish I'd joined the forum ages ago. Group Hug!

Robert Jadah · Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008, 03:47 (GMT) Post subject:

Scott Pollak · Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008, 03:50 (GMT) Post subject:

Robert, I think Scott did a fine job on the Flanders field. But a LOT of folks won't have an insider's knowledge as to what it's about. And regardless, it's still awfully droll for a demo. Perhaps a very short excerpt wedged in the middle somewhere, but based on what I've heard from Scott, I'm betting he's got a vault full of other stuff that would still show a nice, stoic side without being so morbid.