If You Would Please...

Karen Lehman · Posted: Wed Jan 09, 2008, 22:49 (GMT) Post subject: If You Would Please...

Okay, I've watched this thread for a long time, and I think I need to do this. Actually, I don't know....Hmmm....well, okay. Would you mind helping me out? I need some input to help me figure out what to do with my demo - what are my strengths and weaknesses, what should come first on the demo, and whether I should put together some new pieces that have a more "national" sound - and what sorts of businesses and sells should those be?
I'm just going to post my general demo - there are several others on my website that I'll deal with later...
Thank you - I'll do my best to be thick-skinned!

Melba Sibrel · Posted: Wed Jan 09, 2008, 23:39 (GMT) Post subject:

I like the last two clips better than anything else. I'd move them closer to the top. The reason is there was more personality and playfulness in those reads. The clips before have a sameness to them...I mean, your voice is rich and smooth...very nice...but once you've heard it, you've heard it. Give more range upfront, even if you have to specifically produce it.

Some of your cuts came in the middle of a word or phrase and that's jarring. I'd fix that on your next incarnation. Also, if you can trim it to a minute with shorter clips, I think it would move better.

I don't know that I'd worry about a national spot on there...I mean if you have it and it shows a strength, fine. Otherwise I think a demo is more about showing what'cha got, not necessarily what you've done.

Robert Jadah · Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008, 00:23 (GMT) Post subject:

To me, Karen, the whole thing is just a tad sloppy, starting with an inarticulate cravin' at the outset, and including the horrible cuts midway through "Saturday" (just before "....hidden deep within....", and "five rooms...." into "....my home is clean."

It also drags with too much length and not enough variety, like when you segue from Italian to Videos and Carpet to Botox without any change in inflection. I listened thrice to hear if they were different spots or not.

Your voice can dance delightfully from husky/serious to playful, but this demo does not showcase that magic.

The ending is your strongest display.

I know you have great stuff. I'd pull this jalopy back into the garage for some major overhaul from the chassis up.

(You did ask for it.....)

Voice On!

Doug Parks · Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008, 01:04 (GMT) Post subject:

Karen,

You are blessed with a terrific voice and wonderful articulation. You certainly have the chops, no question!

Now on to the demo...You could do better. Choppiness abounds, and I would edit out any "tag-along" phrases at the end of segments. I also think the word that sounded like "were" was supposed to be "work."

But with a little retooling, bravo!

Karen Lehman · Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008, 04:12 (GMT) Post subject:

Dave DeAndrea · Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008, 04:59 (GMT) Post subject:

Karen-

I enjoyed listening... there's some really good cuts on this demo! You're quite a talent!

The obvious problem is some of the editing.

There are a few cuts that might be redundant... the music is different but your delivery is the same as some of the better cuts... I feel like the phrase "less is more" might help out here.

The cuts I loved were "Ginger Rogers", "Pizza", "Botox" and "Hannah Montana". I'd keep the "Family Films" and first "Carpet" spot as well.

There's my 2 cents...

Karen Lehman · Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008, 23:36 (GMT) Post subject: Okay, Here's Another Take...

Take 2:
6 pieces for a total of :60...I await your opinions as to whether or not this is an improvement. Editing, order of the pieces, material, variety - whatever....
Thank you - I appreciate your help!

Melba Sibrel · Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2008, 23:58 (GMT) Post subject:

Much tighter. Moves faster and gives me no reason to press stop.

The only thing that could draw attention from you was the transition right in front of the Botox clip with an unintelligible, effected man's voice. I didn't hear your first few words because I was distracted with the thought, "what the heck was he saying?"

But that's probably just me.

Dave DeAndrea · Posted: Fri Jan 11, 2008, 02:18 (GMT) Post subject:

FANTASTIC! Much better!! Now, it's truly a showcase of your talent. Good job!

Robert Jadah · Posted: Fri Jan 11, 2008, 04:02 (GMT) Post subject:

Boffo, Karen!

Nice demo.
(But yes; absolutely drop the guy whisper.)

Vroom On!

Karen Lehman · Posted: Sat Jan 12, 2008, 18:29 (GMT) Post subject: All Set Now...

Thanks to each of you for your feedback - I've posted the demo on my website and at 123 (sans the male whisper, "The look becomes you" - I always thought it was a lame thing, and then I forgot! So there you are - pays to ask the experts' opinions!) .
No doubt the offers will start rolling in now! Your checks are in the mail...
Laughing